This time around my worries and fears are completely different. You see, I love Blake SO much. I can't describe the love I feel for him. He is the complete center of my universe. Every day I spend almost every moment with him. I understand his toddler English. I am the one that (most frequently) dries his tears. Matt is an amazing dad, but I am Blake's mommy. And I love being his mommy. Can I really love this daughter as much as I love Blake? Does my heart have the capacity to grow? Is that awful to admit that I am worried about that? Every day this week I have cherished my little moments with Blake more than ever before. I have lingered in our after nap cuddles, I have spent more time watching him play, and I have given him more hugs and kisses than probably ever before. I honestly can't think about it too much and just have to have faith that this heart of mine does have room for two babies. And I know having brothers and sisters is the best thing ever. Giving Blake a sister is one of the best things I can do for him.
This last weekend as our little family of three has been idyllic. We drove to the Chicago temple on Saturday morning and Matt and I took turns participating in the temple and keeping Blake entertained at a nearby children's museum. The peace, tranquility, and confidence I gained in my abilities from my time in the temple was exactly what I needed leading into this week. I'm so grateful we could go.
Blake was so cute at the children's museum. He is so curious and independent yet loves reassurance now and again. He is learning so much. At the museum he really enjoyed cutting paper with scissors, going grocery shopping, and racing cars.
That evening I went out with my favorite girls for a fun girls night, something that is a rare occassion for me! We went out for the most delicious dinner and then ended the night at our church for a women's devotional. It was so inspiring and also, just what I needed. One of my favorite things said was a story about a girl who didn't have an apple to give her teacher but instead gave her a potato. She washed and cleaned her potato, but that's all she had to give. Sometimes we may feel that all we have to give and serve others is a potato, and that's okay!!! A potato is much better than waiting and waiting to have the perfect apple to give. As a pregnant mom of a toddler (on a budget) it's easy to feel overwhelmed and like I can't serve in all the ways I would like to or things don't always work out how I would like them to. Prime example from tonight: I have awesome intentions to make brownies for a friend, but they don't turn out quite as wonderful as I imagined and look a little unsightly. That's okay. Give them anyways. Sometimes it's just knowing that someone else was thinking about you that makes all the difference. Our Savior simply asked us to do and be the best we can. As we do that, others will be able to feel His love through our actions. Anyways, it was a very inspiring night. And if it couldn't get much better, it did. Matt had a daddy/toddler date with Blake to Chick-Fil-A and to the Disney store. I love knowing that Matt and Blake are having fun together. I didn't know this, but they also went to Bath and Body Works to pick out a relaxing candle for me. How thoughtful and sweet of my boys.
Today was perfect as well. Breakfast with my family, church together, and then family dinner. As I was doing up the dishes, I could hear Blake and Matt laughing together in the family room and couldn't help but feel my heart swell with gratitude. Life is really, really good. And amazingly beautiful. And best of all, we are lucky enough to be adding a little girl to all our happiness. I'm nervous, don't get me wrong. But so far motherhood has been the most fulfilling, rewarding thing I have experienced in my life and I can't imagine that ever changing. We can do this! Here's to (very soon) becoming a family of four!
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